Monday, January 12, 2015

I asked the reverend will I get to heaven, he said, 'hell if i know.'

People often ask me if I miss it. Do I miss the fame, the fans, and everything in between. It hasn't been that long since I retired, but I never really thought about it until tonight. Maybe because, as I type this, I'm watching the meteor shower. Something so supernatural, something so naturally beautiful, makes you want to stop and think. Its nice being able to enjoy complete solitude and to be able to find solace in it. I fear most of the people I've encountered in Dreamwood Terrace are tortured by the thought of being being alone with just their thoughts, but not me. It's rather soothing, laying on the roof of my flat just outside Dreamwood. Its funny, when I am trying to avoid everybody and everything, I am still drawn to the city. Even now, looking down on Dreamwood Terrace, there is a certain restlessness of the city that intrigues me.

But do I miss it? Would you? When you're at the zenith of your career you want it to last forever. Then you realize that it can't, it just can't.
"Another shot of Henny and I'm faded asking 'how long does this drug called fame last?' That's deep"
A particular lyric I am proud of. I find myself humming it often, maybe just for the nostalgic feeling, or maybe I'm trying to remind myself why I left it all in the first place. It is a hard question to answer. I thought coming up to the roof, watching the sky would give me an didn't, if you were wondering. Just more questions.

The meteor shower is almost too beautiful. Its splendor is patronizing my thoughts, heaven is mocking us. It makes me wonder, though. Am I on the right path? More questions. I know the difference between right and wrong, I'm sure of it. Was choosing music, my naive passion, right? Now that I'm retired I wonder. I think I noticed a person the other day from my past. I don't even think about it that much, but when I saw her I was sure she recognized me even with my glasses on. That glance in a moments passing wasn't enough for me to remember if she was important to me in my past. This meteor shower makes me wonder about my past. Do I miss it?

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